The Power of Solo Time.
We are about halfway through summer and the kids start to get a little… What's the word? Feral. The days are longer and patience is shorter. Ugh. I love my babies, but parenting, adulting, spousing, juggling all the things is really hard! There has to be another way!
From the book, If I Have to Tell You One More Time, Amy McCready does an excellent job of training the adults in these situations to rethink (or unlearn) how we approach the whining and irritating behaviors our kiddos are expressing. Ultimately, it comes down to attention.
Think of attention like a flashlight. What is your light typically shining on? Our kids are watching us and rather than logically expressing the need for that light to shine on them; they whine and cry and refuse to do that one thing that has us in “empty-threat-level fury.”
McCready suggests spending positive one on one time with each of your children. Just 10-20 minutes each day will improve their mood, willingness to help, and their sense of significance and belonging. I have tested this out with each of my boys. This simple technique is a game changer. It’s like a magical switch that turns up the niceness.
The trick is putting them in the driver's seat. They tell me what they want to do, when, and where. We talk about it in the morning while getting out the door to daycare to build anticipation, and after I pick them up we figure out the best way to get all the evening tasks done. They give suggestions on how to help with dinner or other chores because they really want to get to their solo time. It’s awesome.
My oldest son typically wants to do something physical like throwing a ball or frisbee while my youngest likes to play cards or mold playdough. I ask questions and listen without judgment to what is going on in their little lives. It is fascinating and funny to hear about the “drama” they have. But, I also know this is the groundwork to build trust before they get into their teenage years when the drama is more real.
Occasionally, I take them each on day dates. Factory Obscura, lunch, shopping, and a snow cone is a great way to spend the day together. The Museum of Art in downtown OKC has special, age specific bags to take with you throughout the museum. My boys loved the scavenger hunt and the kaleidoscopes. Outings like this are so much easier when you only have one to wrangle. It’s also more enjoyable to let them take the lead. They pick, order, pay, etc. Their confidence really starts to grow when they practice being an adult for the day.
Don’t worry. Summer schedules get busy. Stay at home parenting is tricky for finding solo time. And just like that, positive one on one time is forgotten. But when the emotions soar or attitudes sour, try again. Ten minutes can make a huge difference.
So with the second half of summer, give it a try, set a ten minute timer, enjoy your kids, and consider reading, If I Have to Tell You One More Time by Amy McCready with your ears or your eyes.
Written By: Tiffany Montgomery Walker